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my words do not flow with the ease with which I wish they would. i  am lost in my own mind. i can't make out what is truth enough to tell and what is the fantasy of one politely named a dreamer. it cannot come as a surprise to you that i am lost. we're all lost. we're all confused and insecure and waiting. yet this knowledge does nothing to calm the the anxiety that clouds my existence. i'm cold to the core with a need i cannot describe. it aches like the shrapnel they left behind. the advancing infection.